Hello everyone!
As I enter my last teenage year I thought I'd reflect on some of the things I've learnt over my few years on the planet. Though I'm sure there's plenty more lessons to come, here's what I've been taught by life so far.
1. Getting angry about getting angry isn't going to help.
When I was a kid I had a couple of years where there were a few incidents where I got angry very quickly at my friends. I then developed this anger at my anger, and started thinking about my "temper" like it was a separate entity from me. My (brilliant) mum helped me realise that my anger was completely under my control, and was valid - I just had to learn to communicate it better. Now, if I'm annoyed at someone or something, I try to remove myself from the situation, calm down and actually consider if what's happened is something worth causing conflict over.
2. Being cool isn't worth being mean.
There was this one scene in Hannah Montana where they stuck a piece of paper with some sort of tease like "loser" or something along those lines on someones back. Then I, trying to be cool, at a school where I had about half a friend, decided I would write "stupid" on a sticky note and put it on the back of a chair of one of the boys in my class. The teacher obviously found out about it and gave this whole speech about how it was mean and cruel, saying if the guilty person came up to her and told her then they would be in less trouble. I managed to get away with it but I felt so horrible about it. It literally still made me feel so sick when I remembered it a year later and was in a different school and country. Though it probably took me till I was a little bit older to fully understand the lesson, I realised at some point that if I had to be mean to make friends, they weren't the sort of friends I wanted anyways.
3. Music is something that should connect us, not divide us.
I went through that stage in my early teens that I feel a lot of people go through where the music someone listens to made me think better or worse than them. Where I felt I needed to know every song by an artist to be considered a fan, that if I didn't know a certain band then I wouldn't be considered "pop-punk". In reality, none of that matters, and if you're someone who still judges someone for their music taste then, please, just grow up. If it makes them happy, then why does it affect you?
4. Don't take yourself too seriously
Be weird with your friends. Bop along to that music while you're walking down the street. Laugh weirdly (read: snort/wheeze) until your sides hurt. Life's too short my friend.
5. Just because someone is family doesn't mean they get a free pass.
For years I just let slip things a family member did, until one big thing. Then I cut them out of my life for a few years, because I didn't know how to interact with them any more, which wouldn't have been unusual if it was someone else, but for many people it seems weird because they were immediate family.
6. Be grateful for the people you have, they may not be perfect, but at least they're there.
Following on from that last point, though it took me a while to come to terms with the whole situation, I eventually let that person back into my life, slowly but surely. We still wouldn't have the most typical relationship, but they're there, and trying in the way they know, and that's all i can ask. I'm grateful to have them, for some people don't.
7. Learn to enjoy being alone
I was an only child for almost the first 8 years of my life, and then the age gap between me and my sister meant that once she was born I probably spent more time on my own since we didn't play together and my mum was busy looking after her. This independence I learnt at a young age has stuck with me, and is something I think everyone needs to learn.
8. Exercise is important
Whatever about physical health, from a mental health perspective sports or an active hobby is an essential part of my life. I kept up 3 dance classes during my Leaving Cert years and I'm convinced they're the only things that kept me sane. Getting to go and just let go for a while and just focus on enjoying myself was so needed. Honestly it helped me keep my stress levels down which overall I think led me to perform much better academically. Even if it's just going for a walk, or doing some yoga, I encourage you to just try something.
9. Sunshine and extravagant lifestyles do not equal happiness
I used to live out in the Middle East, and when I was almost 14 I moved back to Ireland. Though neither place is perfect, I never realised how unhappy I was in the superficial, expat lifestyle of Bahrain until I moved back here.
10. Trust your gut, but leave your mind open.
My gut feelings and initial impressions of people tend to be right, I quite pride myself on it. But, there have been instances where it's been wrong, or people have changed... so yeah, be open to being wrong.
11. Friendship isn't always linear
Especially if you move a lot, like moi. I've found that some of my closest friendships have gone through their ebbs and flows, where nothing particular is wrong with the friendship, but something changes for a while. I've found that during these periods its best to not freak out and do anything drastic, if that friend is meant to be around, you'll grow back together. The dynamics of friendships changes, but that doesn't make them worth any less.
12. Bad vibes just aren't worth your time
In several places I've come across people, who maybe my friends are friends with, who just MEGA stress me out. They've been mean, or just had a negative outlook, or have just not been the sort of person I get along with. I've learnt that it's best to just avoid them; just because they're your friend's friend doesn't mean they have to be your friend. Now, I'm not suggesting being horrible and completely ignoring them, but just be civil and keep your distance - sometimes you gotta put yourself first!
13. The journey to self-love is long
Listen, it's hard as a teenager. Your body is changing loads, both outwardly and under the surface - those hormones are a killer man - and this causes everyone, including yourself, to lash out, both at themselves and at you. There's no one fix to looking in the mirror and liking who you see. Everyone's journey is different, and you need to find a way yourself. Fall in love with the process of becoming the best version of yourself. Personally, I faked it till I made it. I made a decision to start accepting compliments instead of deflecting them, I picked out things I liked about myself and that I was good at, I tried my best to speak positively about myself. The way you speak to yourself matters. Eventually, I made it to the place I'm at today - I'm truly happy with the person I am, though I may look in the mirror sometimes and not like how I'm looking, or get frustrated when I can't do something, overall I know I'm more than those small things, and I'm truly grateful to be where I am.
14. You can't look after everyone all the time
I'm the "mum" friend typically, I have a tendency to want to try and make sure everyone is ok at all times. I try to solve peoples problems and sometimes have let other peoples problems become my own. While obviously it's great to be caring and to look out for people, I had to learn that not every battle is mine - otherwise it's just too draining.
15. Confidence is everything
Now this is obviously easier said than done, but honestly, if you act like you know what you're doing, then everyone will believe you. Try it.
16. You can't wait until life is perfect
You know that thing you won't do until there's no obstacles, no doubts and no chance it could backfire? It'll never happen, not with that attitude. You can't wait until everything's perfect or you'll be waiting your whole life. Do it now. Stop hesitating. You only regret the chances you don't take. Coulda woulda shoula!
17. You reap what you sow
Though you can't control everything, you can control how you respond. Visualisation, and believing in yourself will lead to success. If you decide that this year you're gonna have a good year - you're gonna take everything in your stride and remain positive - then, SURPRISE, you will! Negative energy brings negative outcomes. It's not so much about literal expectations like "oh this year is gonna be great because there'll be loads of parties and I'm going to make money..." etc., but more along the lines of "this year is gonna be great because I'm gonna live my best life and make the most of it."
18. Know your worth.
Don't settle for half-assed efforts, second thoughts and maybes. You deserve 100%.
19. Be fearlessly and relentlessly true to yourself.
Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Stick to your morals. Celebrate your quirks. Believe in your dreams. There's no point in changing yourself to try and fit in, people will see through it. Wear your personality with pride and let any judgement bounce off. Though I predict if you're confident and enjoying yourself, people are gonna love it rather than hate it.
We made it to the end! Thanks for coming to my TED talk x
In all seriousness though, it was interesting looking back and actually identifying lessons that I learnt over the years. I can't wait for the many more I'm sure I'll get over the years. Here's to 19!
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Lots of love,
disclaimer: these are my lessons and my morals, obviously these may not apply to everyone x